Kimbaland lives! But only kind of. The digital data that represents my self-expression from 2005-2010 or so continues to exist, huddled in a private, restful little space where I can peer in at it now and then and 1) admire how well I write when I’m good and pissed off about politics, and 2) remember just how much vitriol I’m capable of when faced with a situation I can’t even begin to control, or even meaningfully impact. Like my life, say, between about 2005-2010.
But that’s all then, and here we are now, my friends, four years after the madness of the 2008 election season (gasp), nearly three years after our move to Germany and, this spring, a year since I got an automatic, rather unexpected one-year extension on my thesis. A one-year extension I didn’t ask for, and that has resulted in me turning what is a manageably sized writing project into a thing that I’ve let simmer on the back of the stove until there’s almost nothing left of the original excitement I felt at the prospect of starting said project. This, friend, is an unacceptable turn of events.
Thankfully, I resisted this unfocused laziness enough to produce a collection of short pieces that, cobbled together, well exceed the length requirements I’m faced with. These stories jostle amongst themselves, even collide now and then, squeezed as they are into the ill-fitted folders I’ve forced them to share, somewhat disagreeably, as you’d imagine. In this way the collection resemble my life more generally; a bin of mismatched pieces that I keep trying to make into a cohesive whole. The pieces themselves? Exciting, interesting, compelling, even thought-provoking, and almost always funny. Like my life, what they lack is a theme that makes them an entirety.
What I realized today, as I was hammering away at the first few, is that I’ve gotten positively rusty at this whole writing thing. You know, this thing I used to do daily, and that I enjoyed so much that I decided to run off and get another degree so that I could teach other people to do it well. Here’s where I screwed up: I decided, in the course of my program, that the writing I was doing wasn’t me, wasn’t worthy, wasn’t legitimate somehow. So, I stopped writing that way. Predictably, this meant I wasn’t writing much at all anymore, which, if I were a quicker study, I’d have realized ages ago. But here we are.
So though I don’t think for a minute that this here blog is going to be a compelling read for every reader, I’ve unwadded my knickers about it and have vowed to carry on with it anyway. Why? First of all, writing for one’s self is a necessary step in the process, and skipping that step means that I spend the first hour of every writing session writing the stuff that ought to be blog or journal material. Secondly, no writer has ever been everyone’s cup of tea. And lastly, if I don’t get back in the saddle, I’ll have to concern myself instead with the problem of being a writer that no one reads.